Chapter 30 - Finished

Well, I did it! That's the end of this 30 Day Challenge!

Today I am starting a new challenge. It is focussed on time management. I find myself procrastinating a lot and then being mad at myself for putting things off. So, I have decided to keep detailed records of what I do for almost every minute of the day. I am going to plan what I have to do for the day in the appropriate time blocks, such as the parent council meeting I have tonight. This will also include study time, supper prep time, break time, the whole bit. I need to document my time so I can see where I am wasting it, and then I choose to utilize it better. 

There is a two-part reason for doing this. Not only is it to make better use of my time, but it is also to prepare myself for working in the law. When I started school last year, one of the first assignments we had was to document our day in 6-minute increments because that is how we time things in practice. I may not be that precise, but it will help me get in the habit of clocking my time. 

I love preparing myself for the life I've always dreamed of.  It's so close I can taste it. 

But, for now, I'll focus on being the CEO of Paula Incorporated. 

Thanks everyone for joining me in the 30 Day Blog Challenge. I am in the process of significantly decreasing my activity on Facebook. I have created business profiles and a website and will concentrate more on that. I'm staying on Facebook, just in a decreased capacity. 

Chapter 29 - Unfinished

Tomorrow my 30 day blog challenge will be met. I did it!

It's also been over 30 days since I had Tim Hortons or Starbucks! Yeah!

This is something for me to celebrate because I am the queen of starting things and not finishing them. I always have something new that I want to do and so I start it, but I don't finish it. Perhaps the key for me is to make the goals short instead of lifelong. 

For example, the thought of intentionally exercising everyday for the next year seems overwhelming.  However, to set a goal of 30 minutes a day for 30 days is a goal I can reach. 

Low carb for the rest of my life is a goal that I just don't want to start tackling because it's just too overwhelming to think about. However, 30 carbs a day for 30 days is something completely reasonable.

I think I'm on to something.

My next 30 day challenge is going to start tomorrow.  All I have to decide is what the challenge is :)

Thanks to those who have been reading my blog for the past month. I appreciated all your comments. Tomorrow will be the last regularly scheduled post. I may post occasionally after that.

Good night, all.

Chapter 28 - Me Inc.

I had a pretty good day today. Cailyn and I were up early and having breakfast at the church by 8:30am. It was the children's volunteer training morning. I enjoy volunteering with the 1 year olds very much, and I greatly appreciate the opportunity to help out. 

Another thing I did today was create my business card. I was having some difficulty accepting where I am. I have no job and I am not licensed to work on my own. I was feeling pretty down on myself... until I went to a Job Search Strategies Workshop on Friday. One thing the facilitator said completely changed my thinking. It made me feel okay with where I am. Actually, it helped me accept where I am and embrace who I am. 

The idea that she presented was "Me Incorporated". This means that I am the CEO of my own business, which is my life. I may not have a job, but I still have a lot of qualifications, experience, skills, and reasons to be proud of where I am. I am my biggest cheerleader.  If I don't do it for myself, no one else is going to do it for me. It encouraged me to feel confident about myself as a person, and be to be my own boss. I am the CEO of my own business. I needed to get on my own team instead of being negative by spending too much time thinking about the things I don't have. Right now, part of that business is getting a job and getting my license. It was the boost I so desperately needed. 

That boost got me excited about making my business card... here it is!!

I am who I am, exactly where I am ... with or without a job, a partner, a house, a new car, or a slim figure. I am me. I am a daughter of the King and He loves me so much that He sent His only Son to die for me. I have no reason to doubt or fear because God is with me, He loves me, and He wants the best for me. 

God + Me. We got this!

Chapter 27 - Control

Some people have issues with control - as in having to be in control. They take control. They do whatever is necessary to be in control and they get angry when their control is messed with.

Then there's me.

I am the complete opposite. I lack the assertiveness to take control. I don't control very much of what happens around me or to me. I am organized, so it looks like I am in control, but I am not. If there is a decision to be made, I allow (nearly beg), someone else to make it. 

These are opposite ends of the spectrum. 

Control --------------------------------------------------------------------------- Lack of  Control

If I am not taking control, then I am being controlled. 

Crap.

The Bible tells us in Galations that a fruit of the spirit is self-control. I am thinking that self-control is where that perfect balance happens between Control and Lack of Control.

Control ----------------------------- Self-Control -------------------------------Lack of Control

This is one of the things that I need to work on. I have been telling myself for years that I need to be more assertive. It is just so difficult for me. It is just so hard to stand up for myself and to voice my opinion. It pains me to make decisions. Just tell me what to do. 

What is boils down to is that I am allowing circumstances and other people to control my life. 

That's not cool. 

I have to start taking some control back. I need to find my self-determination. 

This will be a process...........

OOPS!

Chapter 26 - Confession

I could watch home renovation shows all day.

Literally.

These are my favourites.

Just sayin'

:)

Chapter 25 - Studying

Even though studying for the paralegal licensing exam is tiring, so tiring, I am really enjoying it. That's probably a good indication that I am in the right field :)

It's like the whole book is a review of everything I learned in the program. The nice thing is that now I understand it. Concepts that didn't quite make sense in class are all being brought together. And, while reading through the book, I can hear my professors voices in my head teaching me the lessons.

It is tiring but I love it.

I know the legal field is for me.

I can't wait to start helping people.

The countdown is on.

Chapter 24 - Council

I am super excited to be getting back on parent council. When I was the Chair in Ignace, I totally loved it. Now I have the opportunity to be part of a high school parent council. And, I can do it for six years. That's how long I will have a child in that high school. (Providing we don't move - to another location or to our eternal home).

Being a part of a group energies me. I am looking forward to meeting new people, getting answers to the "why" questions, sharing my ideas, and networking.  I love the fact that I can be a part of it for so long.

On another note, I got to cuddle 5 pound twins today!! A boy and a girl. Oh my goodness were they ever sweet!! Neither of my children were ever that small outside the womb.  Cailyn was 10 lbs 14.5 oz and 23 inches long. Kaden was 9 lbs 2 oz and 21 inches long. I thought he was small. 

As much as I don't want to have any more children, when I see babies there is a part of me that wishes I could do it over. There are things I would do differently. Most importantly, I would like to prove to myself that had we been living in the right conditions, I could have been a great mom when the kids were little. I wish I could have saved them from some of the things they went through. 

I only have one regret from my whole life. My regret is not leaving the marriage sooner. If I would have left after Kaden was born, things could have turned out differently, and the kids wouldn't have experienced so many unhealthy situations. 

Nonetheless, I look forward. All I can do is learn from the past and be the best mom I can be now. 

P.S. I went to see War Room tonight. Excellent movie! If you have the opportunity, my suggestion is to go see it :)

Chapter 23 - Full

Today has been a FULL day. 

Up at 5:45am and the first customer in line at WalMart at 7am.

I got everything done by 7:50am and had 5 minutes to sit and drink my coffee before heading out to school. 

Cailyn's registration went amazingly well and she was able to get all the courses she wanted, including Pre AP English.

I attended a workshop this afternoon to brush up on my interview skills, since I will hoping be having those very soon.

Then I got a phone call from an agency wrapping up a situation I had been working with them on. I am thankful that is over. 

After supper, Cailyn and I went out to do some shopping for a few back to school things.

Then came homework time. I was helping her with Math and Science while I wrote up a "Success Story" for an organization that have helped me get to where I am today. 

Now I am sleepy. 

Chapter 22 - In Everything

It is SO great to have Cailyn home! We have already laughed so much. We enjoy our time together. We both admitted that we've laugh more and harder today than we have in the month we were apart.

We hugged a lot, too. 

Since Cailyn will be starting high school here tomorrow, we had to go buy her school supplies and get things ready for her to register in the morning. I tried to print the forms... I don't have any black ink left.  That means a 7am trip to Wal-Mart for ink, then back home to make sure the kids are ready for school, print and fill out the forms, and then we will be all out the door at 8am.

Should be an crazy morning!

That's what life is all about. We need to take the crazy mornings with the ones that go smoothly, the good days with the bad, and the sad times with the happy times. 

The way I see it, it's okay and completely normal to have times that seem overwhelming. It's okay to be upset when things are just not working out. It's okay to be frustrated when situations pop up that you weren't expecting.  

BUT

You also need to take pleasure and respite in those moments that are peaceful. Experience serenity when things are working out. Be excited when God blesses you with more than you could have imagined. 

AND

In everything, be thankful.

God is with you.

Through every aspect of life. The ups, downs, smooth-sailing, rough waters, frustration, and peace.

He loves you.

He will never leave you stranded.

He's as close as the mention of His Name.

God walks through your life with you. All of it.

Today, tomorrow, and always.

Chapter 21 - Parenting

I got the house cleaned again - yay me! :) 

I took a pile of things to Value Village and bought some groceries. All the floors are mopped and shiny, and all the dishes are done. 

Most importantly, I got Cailyn's room all ready for when she comes home tomorrow. 

In 10 hours she will be in my arms. 

That is the best thing that could happen right now. I have been feeling so disjointed and scattered since she's been gone. I have been doing my best to try and stay on track and focused, but it has been really difficult. 

I am just so happy that she will be back home, where she belongs. 

I tried to be an adult in the whole situation (stop laughing!). I decided that I want her to be a strong, independent woman who can make her own choices, and that's why I left the choice to move up to her. My hope and prayer is that she will always be safe, happy, and loved. If she could get those things in SK, then I would have accepted that. 

When you become a parent, your life is no longer about you - it is about your children and providing them the skills and tools they need to be safe, happy, and loving adults.

I will never regret allowing her to chose her own course. 

And, I will forever rejoice that she chose to come back home. 

Chapter 20 - Blessed

Today is another day that I have a lot on my mind. 

I know my posts have been short lately, but the truth is I am posting because I made a challenge for myself and not because my heart is in it. That is strange because I really enjoy writing. 

Maybe I'll have a few minutes tomorrow to flesh out some of the budding thoughts from the week. 

I will tell you one funny thing from CR tonight... We had time to play through the worship songs again before open group time began. One of the songs we were doing was, "This is Amazing Grace". Since it was practice, after the bridge I did a slide down the keys before going back into the chorus, just for fun. The lead guitarist/vocalist found it hilarious!! He laughed so much that he couldn't even sing the chorus. He was completely surprised that I did that and he loved it.  He talked about for a long time afterwards. 

I love being with a group that is so fun. I have already learned so much from playing in the band with them, and I feel so incredibly blessed that I get to spend part of my Friday nights with such amazing people. 

And, I'm really glad I can make them laugh. 

Celebrate Recovery is exactly the place I need to be. I fit there. I grow there. I learn there. I belong there. 

Chapter 19 - Ponder This

There are situations when people don't have the choice to walk away... and it seems we are taking advantage of those people in those situations. 

More on this tomorrow.

Chapter 18 - Donut Hole

I am feeling lost this week. 

It's like I am in the hole in a delicious donut. Everywhere I look I see the sweet things that God has for my life... But, those things are just beyond my reach. 

When I try to pursue one of those sweet things, it takes me further away from something else, so I try to go towards that and then I get further away from another piece. 

All I am doing is going back and forth in the donut hole.

Church > Studying > Good Mom > Job Search > Celebrate Recovery > Clean House > Studying > Good Mom > Exercise > Job Search > Socializing > Clean House > Planning for Future > > > > > You get the idea. 

I move in one direction or another, but I can never reach the Sweet Donut. 

I'm stuck in the middle. 

Maybe once I get to the donut and climb on top, I will be able to walk around freely in all the sweet things that God has in His plan for me. 

The problem is getting there.

Chapter 17 - Mashed

There is a lot rattling around in this brain of mine lately.

I somehow need to find a way to make sense of it all. Or, at least organize it into something manageable. 

I'd like to be honest and tell you all about it, but the truth is that I can't even sort it all out. 

Everything is just all mashed up. 

So, to bed I go, in hopes that sleeping will help clear out the things that don't need to be there. 

Sweet dreams all!

Chapter 16 - Boyfriend

I have been single for a long time. The kids haven't seen me with a man in over 5 years. 

The funny thing is, I am okay with that. 

There are people who have to be in a relationship all time. It's like they feel lost without a partner. I am not one of those people. 

There are people who surf internet sites all the time looking for the right person. That is not me either. 

There are people who go out all the time and meet a lot of people. I don't do that either. 

It's no wonder I am still single.  Lol.

Truth is, I am not looking for a boyfriend. I am not looking for a relationship. I would like to have a guy friend to just hang out with. And, take care of my car repairs and troubles when necessary ;)

I believe that it will happen when it happens. I am not looking for it. But, I am not opposed to it. I just have a lot of other things going on now, such as focusing on building my career and raising my children.

If I met someone, I would be happy. And, if I don't, I am still happy.

I shall be like Paul and "be content in whatever state I find myself in." Philippians 4:12

Chapter 15 - The Reaction

I had a pretty great day. I was at church by 8am so I could have a coffee before the services. I took baptism photos for the first 2 services, and I helped in my walkers class for service 3. 

When I do events like this, and the one yesterday, I can't help but want a better camera. My camera is a good one, but there are a couple of things that I wish it would do that it doesn't. However, for the amount of photography I actually do these days, it is more than adequate.

When the final service was over, I came home and napped for an hour before heading to my friends house to give her some lowlights. We had a nice visit.  The rest of my evening was spend at home, just hanging out. 

It was all dandy until I spoke with my ex on the phone. Before picking up his call, I said, "Oh, God, help me" about 3 times. I had to confront him about about something. 

Two things in that sentence give me physical reactions of fear in the form of shaking, my heart beating faster, and a rise in blood pressure - "confront" and "him".

I avoid confronting people as much as I possibly can. I have been that way for as long as I can remember.  It seems interesting that God has chosen the paralegal field for me where confrontation happens regularly. It just goes to show that I will be working in His strength, not mine. 

Talking to my ex always creates a negative physical response. Although it has be better over the years, I still have to muster up all the guts I've got so that in spite of the fear, I do it anyway. That's audacity. When we were on the phone tonight, I had the phone to my ear as I was waiting for Kaden to come talk to his father. I guess my ex didn't know I had the phone to my ear because he dropped his "cover up voice" and was talking about me to whoever was in the room in his "real" voice - and that freaked me out. It's like instantaneously I was right back there and he was taking his frustration out on me. I haven't heard that "real" voice of his since June 9, 2010. And yet, it still created a response in me as though I was sharing a house with him again. I can't explain it, but I sure could feel it. And, I didn't like it. It took me a long time to calm down. It's been 2.5 hours now, and I'm almost back to normal. (Well, my normal ;)

How's that for honest? :)

I am just so thankful that I am not where I used to be. I am in a place I love, doing what I love, with people that I love and that love me. What more could I ask for?

Chapter 14 - Audacious

Today. Was. Amazing.

So much to think about and ponder in my heart.  As I process, I'll share it with you.

One of the best parts was having a group of my peeps at the table with me! What a blessing that was!! It is nice to know so many more people than I did last year. I contribute a lot of that to joining Celebrate Recovery. I have met so many wonderful people through that ministry. 

One of those ladies, whom I only met 2 months ago, gave me a hug today and said, "I am happy to have you in my life."

I can't wait to see what God has in store for this year!

<3

Chapter 13 - For Me

Joining Celebrate Recovery was one of the best things I have ever done for myself.

Being a part of a group is incredible. I enjoy being on the worship team so much. The people at CR have already been such a great support to me, and I look forward to going every week. 

I am doing this for me. 

Doing things for ourselves is a necessity. It rejuvenates and reenergizes us to do the things we need we need to do. Some read, some hike, some go to the gym, and so on. Everyone needs to do something that is just for them... 

I attend CR. And, I get blessed every Friday, more than I ever imagined. 

Other things I am doing for myself this weekend are attending the Beth Moore simulcast at church tomorrow and helping at the registration table, being the photographer for tomorrow's event and baptisms on Sunday morning, and taking a couple days off from studying so I can enjoy my weekend.

What are you going to do for yourself this weekend? 

Chapter 12 - Sleep

Reading the study material for the Licensing Exam is so tiring. My eyes get tired quickly when I am reading and I end up taking a couple of 20 minute naps a day for my eyes to recover. 

Is it normal for my eyes to get tired like that? Do you have any suggestions that may help them not feel that way?

I am reading 50 pages a day so I can complete my studying goals. That may not sounds like much to some of you, but it is to me.  The pages are letter size, have 2 columns, and is in 11 or 12 Times New Roman font, single spaced. And, the material is pretty dense. Even though when I read it now I know pretty much everything they are talking about, making this a review, it is still a lot of information. 

If I were to have tried to read this one year ago, I would have had NO IDEA what I was reading. If nothing else, this study material helps me realize just how much I have learned. And, that is exciting!!

Sleep is very welcomed tonight, especially since I have a full weekend ahead. I have Celebrate Recovery tomorrow night where I play keyboard, I am helping at the registration table and taking candid pictures throughout the day for the Beth Moore simulcast we are hosting at our church on Saturday, and on Sunday I am taking pictures of the baptisms for the first two services and volunteering in the Walkers room for the third service. By the time Sunday afternoon comes, I will be quite happy to have a good old fashioned nap.

Thanks to everyone who reads my blog. I really appreciate it!!

Chapter 11 - The Master

It occurred to me today that there is a lot of chaos happening in our family right now. In my extended family, a loved one passed away, and a relative is in the hospital. In my immediate family, I am studying, and well, there are 2 things going on that I can't really talk about just yet. 

It just seems like things are chaotic. 

I live pretty peacefully, and there is usually not a lot going on. But, it hit me today that there is lots going on. There are some serious circumstances happening in my family. There is pain, hurt, grief, unknowns, anger, loss, worry, sickness, and more. 

There's great news though...

I KNOW THE MASTER OF THE WIND

AMEN!

Chapter 10 - The Beginning

Today is the beginning. 

The beginning of a new school year.

The beginning of me getting serious about studying for the exam.

The beginning of a lot of volunteering.

And, who knows what else. 

Beginnings are both scary and exciting. And, they are usually a lot of work.

Bring it on!!

Chapter 9 - The End

And, so the summer ends.

It feels like it was a long summer. It seems like ages ago that the kids and I drove to my parents place.. but it's actually only been 10 weeks. I spent a week up there, did 5 weeks of school, and had  month of holidays. I've had a really relaxing August. But, now it's time to give that up.

As sad as I am that the schedule-free, do-what-we-want-when-we-want, care-free days of summer are over, I am looking forward to what the next year brings. Things begin again.

That's what I will talk about tomorrow... The Beginning.

Chapter 8 - Weird

Good News: Jesus called us His friends. 

Bad News: The world will hate us.

(John 15:18ff)

This was the basis for the sermon at church today. Everything that was said made so much sense to me. Christians have a different authority and loyalty than other people - God and His Word. Christians base their morality on the Bible, not on what the world says is right and wrong. 

Christians are weird. 

Those of us who follow Jesus can sometimes wonder why others don't like us, or why they don't "get" us. We have a different authority, loyalty, and morality...

How could they "get" us? 

We are weird. We are different. 

I have to be honest and say that I sometimes put what I believe on the back burner when I am working with people who believe differently than I do. I easily adapt to the situation and I don't say things that will rock the boat. 

I keep quite about my weirdness so they will like me.

Jesus says that the world hating me is to be expected. 

 The "who" that I am is a "Weird Christian". 

I am not going to hold back any longer. I am not ashamed of the gospel of Jesus Christ. This world is not my home.

I should expect to hated, so why should I try so hard to be liked?

This is a concept that I shall continue to develop... To be continued...

Chapter 7 - Ordinary

There are some days, often few and far between, where nothing particularly noteworthy happens. There are no big epiphanies, no huge learned lessons, and nothing out of the ordinary takes place.

Today was one of those days... and I am very happy about it.

That means there was nothing stressful that happened. There was no big decision to be made that would somehow impact other areas of my life. There was no yelling, or crying, or arguing. 

It was an ordinary day. 

The beauty of ordinary days is the quiet I find within myself. I feel peaceful and content. I realize that not every day is a struggle. 

Ordinary days bring strength to handle extra-ordinary days. 

I feel rested. My spirit is quieted. Balance has been restored.  Thank God for ordinary days. 

Chapter 6 - Serenity

I attend a Celebrate Recovery group on Friday nights where I play keyboard on the worship band. 

Tonight the teaching was about the Serenity Prayer:

"God grant me the serenity 

To accept the things I cannot change;
Courage to change the things I can;
And wisdom to know the difference.

Living one day at a time;
Enjoying one moment at a time;
Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;
Taking, as He did, this sinful world
As it is, not as I would have it;
Trusting that He will make all things right
If I surrender to His Will;
So that I may be reasonably happy in this life
And supremely happy with Him
Forever and ever in the next. 

Amen.

God gave me a swift kick in the butt through this teaching. The first comes from the very first line, "God grant me the serenity." 

The teacher asked what kinds of things we use to try and find serenity. Some try to find it with relationships, or alcohol, or shopping. My go-to is food. When I am upset, I usually turn to food first. Then, I turn to watching tv. Sometimes I turn to shopping - often for things I really don't need. Then, when all my go-to's are exasperated, I turn to God. 

Turns out I have the whole process upside down. 

What would happen if I turned to God first? I mean, the very first word of the Prayer is "God". 

So, God gave me a challenge. Before I go to anything else when I am upset or discouraged or emotional, I will go to Him.

The second kick came from the words of one of the songs we sang: "Make me who I'm meant to be." I know that God has big plans for me, just like he does for everyone. The problem is that I have become complacent in where I am at this moment. I have an exam coming up that I should be studying for, but I'm mostly not. I need to be diligently seeking a job, but I'm mostly not. Instead, I just keep putting it off and enjoying what I am doing right now - nothing. I like having no schedule. I like not studying. I like being at home. I am content to not move forward.

God is telling me to get out of this slump, to stop being complacent and satisfied with the mundane. He has given me all I need to be who I am meant to be. But, I can't get there by watching Netflix. 

Becoming "who I am meant to be" requires action. I need to start taking action. I have to move out of complacency and doing what is easy so I can move forward to the place God has planned for me. 

Why would I want to delay God's best for my life?

There's my 2 challenges. Go to God first, and move forward.  In doing so, I can be "reasonably happy in this life."

Chapter 5 - Blessing

Blessings can be a two-way street. You bless someone, and in turn you are blessed.  That is what happened with me today. 

I went to the church around 9:30am to lend a hand in the office. I helped out with lots of "paper tasks", meaning those tasks, such as cutting, that are time consuming for the administrator when she has so many other things to do. In good form, I came out with a battle scar - a cut on my finger from the big paper cutter :) 

That was me being a blessing.

Then, I was blessed.

The lady I was working with asked me if I had my tickets for the upcoming Beth Moore event at our church. I told her that I was getting it on Sunday, because I always forget to bring cash with me. She asked if I would like to help out at the Registration table and in-turn get a free ticket to the event. I was ecstatic! Money is tight these days, so any bit of money I can save is a huge help. Not only do I get to save money, but I get to greet all the women that come to the event! That is something I have always loved to do. I am so excited that I was asked to help out. And, I would have helped out with or without the free ticket. That was just a bonus!

My challenge to you: Be a blessing to someone today.

Chapter 4 - Getting Involved

I woke up this morning feeling defeated, and that made me feel guilty. 

I have a lot of good things going on right now.  The biggest one is that I am headed in the direction of my dream career. But, this morning I was mopey. I was thinking about the things I don't have right now instead of being grateful for the many things I do have. 

And, boy, is that an easy thing to do.

I know that I don't have a job right now, and that is stressful on me, but I also know that God has always taken care of us... He's not going to stop now.

A few weeks ago I volunteered to help out in the church office. The lady sent me an email yesterday asking me what times would be good. This afternoon, once I got past Paula's Pity Party, I responded to her email. I am going to the church tomorrow morning to help out in the office. I am very excited about it. I also volunteered to help with photography for the baptism service in a couple of weeks.  And, I still play keyboard weekly with the Friday night worship band.

By taking the focus off myself and volunteering my time to help others, it resets my focus on all the things I have to be thankful for in my life. I have many skills and abilities that I can use even though I am not "employed". 

God did not give me the talents I have to only use if I am getting paid for it.

Chapter 3 - Sharing

I had coffee last night with a friend. I met her not long after I moved here, but the only time we chat is for a few minutes between services on Sunday mornings or on youth nights, if we happen to see each other. So, last night we planned to go out... and we had a really nice time.

I knew from our brief conversations at church that we have gone through similar situations in our lives. When I shared stories with her, I could tell that she understood exactly what I was feeling, and I am sure she felt the same when she shared with me.  

I want to share with more people.

At the group I attend on Friday nights, the question was presented to us was about what sharing with others does for us. There were many answers, such as the good feelings it brings, and how it helps bring more healing to parts of our lives. I had to be honest in my answer and say that I don't really share much with others. I find that I don't have the opportunity to do so, or the opportunity is there and I just completely miss it. 

My desire is to use what I have faced to empower women to find their strength no matter what situation they find themselves in.

My prayer is that I see the opportunities when they are there.

Chapter 2 - Miracles

Allow me to tell you about the kind of God I serve...

I thought there was no way I could get into a post-graduate paralegal program... I did.

I was told by OSAP that I had an outstanding balance and would not qualify to get OSAP for the paralegal program... research showed that debt was paid in full years ago... I got OSAP.

I worried about doing well in the program, since so many students had come from University with a background in law... I graduated with distinction and made the Dean's Honour List.

The Miracles Continued.

On July 13, I received an email from the College telling me I had an outstanding balance of over $1,340 that needed to be paid in order for me to get my transcripts and officially complete the program. This meant that I needed $1,340 in July to complete my program, and another $1,000 by September 9 to write my licensing exam. 

I had NO IDEA how I was going to get that money. 

On July 21, I received a cheque in the mail from the government for back pay for the UCCB. It was for $840!! I bawled my eyes out. I couldn't believe that God had provided the money I needed! That money combined with the $500 I had saved was exactly enough to cover what I owed to the College. 

On July 22, my debt with the College was paid in full! Thank You, God!

Because this miracle had taken place, I doubted that another one would happen. I settled on the idea that I would not be writing the licensing exam in October. I figured there was no way for me to get $1,000 by September 9 to pay to write that exam. 

I thought I had reached the end of my miracle limit... just call me Doubting Thomas. 

I kept telling myself that I would just write the exam in February, that it was no big deal. I was very sad about it, but I accepted it. I gave up on the idea of writing in October because I just couldn't see how another miracle could take place. But, I was wrong. 

Today another miracle happened.  God provided the money I need to write my licensing exam!! I cried, again! I paid my fees and I am officially writing the licensing exam on October 21! 

THAT is the kind of God I serve!

Chapter 1 - Honesty (continued)

Since Cailyn left home, I am finding it difficult to get back on track. 

I spent the majority of last week at home. It felt like part of me was missing and I didn't know what to do with that. Cailyn and I used to do everything together; she was the one who used to drag me out of the house to do things, and I am sure it will take time before my complete autonomy returns. Kaden is a homebody like me. He is quite fine to hang out here, or to go outside with his friends. He is not much for shopping or going out, and I am okay with that, I just need to learn how to do it on my own again. And, that is weird. 

I have set new goals for myself, so I have something to be working on, for me. I have a feeling that this year is going to turn out to be more about me and getting things started for our future than I even realize. 

Here are a few of my personal goals for the year:

1. Get a job.

2. Get licensed.

3. Hiatus from Starbucks, Tim Hortons, and fast food joints.

4. Finding resolution to a recent situation.

5. Do some weight training and/or exercise every day.

6. Lose some more weight.

7. Stay involved in church and Friday night group.

8. Join a midweek ladies group.

9. Get a new-to-me car.

10. Grow stronger and more confident in myself.

Some may see this list as overwhelming, and that's okay. These are my goals. I need these things to work towards. I need things to stay motivated. And, I am excited about all of them.

Cheers to a year filled with change and personal growth!

Chapter 1 - Honesty

"Share each other’s burdens, and in this way obey the law of Christ.  If you think you are too important to help someone, you are only fooling yourself. You are not that important.

Pay careful attention to your own work, for then you will get the satisfaction of a job well done, and you won’t need to compare yourself to anyone else.  For we are each responsible for our own conduct." Galatians 6: 2-5.

I have been thinking a lot about the concept of honesty lately, and it has led me to this challenge I am starting...

For the next 30 days, I am going to be an open book. I will share honestly what is going on in my life. This will include the good and not so good.

One thing that has helped me process all the things I have gone through in my life, is that I would be able to use the knowledge I gained from those experiences to help other people. Well, to be honest, I haven't been doing much of that. I rarely talk to anyone about my life, as though it is some big secret. Well, I don't want it to be a secret. 

I want to share my life experiences with others. I am NOT TOO IMPORTANT to help someone else. 

So, here it is. I may blog just once a day, or I may blog more. 

Here is Paula, the Open Book.